I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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