You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
