So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
