It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
