Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
