Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
