Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
