got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
