her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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