just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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