Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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