like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
