Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
