am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
