I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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