I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
