Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
