Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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