apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
