we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
