How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
