Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is Oprah even human
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
