My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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