you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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