this beer tastes like vomit already
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
