I didn't shave. On purpose
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you had me at cake vodka
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
