if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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