I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
