I wannas sexs uuuuu
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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