i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
