Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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