Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
