haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
