you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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