I have demons in me.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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