Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
