I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
