I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
