She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
