God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
