i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
50% drunk capacity currently
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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