I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
