I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
