I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
