i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
