WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
