i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
