Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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