you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
