i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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