just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
