Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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