My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
