It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
