oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
