I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
