This show inspires me to have sex in space
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
