she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
