I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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