how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
